How do you discipline your child?

Last July 19, I attended a what we call crash session of Positive Discipline Orientation on parenting with the Nawies. A Nawies is a private family support group. Nag start sya sa weddings at work where bride and grooms to be, help each other prepare for their dream wedding. Thanks to Ms. Benz and Sir Abet who started this community.

It was called crash session kasi this should be a 4 days orientation, but one day lang namin sya. It was held at Max Restaurant in Greenhills. I was kind of hesitant at first kasi feeling ko too early pa for me since Kirsten just turned 2 years old last May 9, 2012. But thanks and I pushed through.

Because there is what they called, Building Blocks of Healthy Development na magstart sa Infancy. So this early palang, kaylangan ng ma-develop ang child's Trust and Attachment.

Our speaker for that day is Ms. Wilma Banaga from Save the Children. They are doing this for free.

So what is Positive Discipline ba?

What is a Corporal Punishment?

The first country that prohibited corporal punishment is Sweden nung 1979. And now, 38 countries had implemented this. Nung 23 countries palang daw, Philippines started to pass the bill na, lagi daw na a-approved sa congress but hindi sa senate. Ngayon, meron ulit pinasa on going na. Let's See. :-)

Before, I thought corporal punishment is Disciplining your child physically lang. But no, corporal punishment is also verbally and emotionally. Like shouting, saying hurtful words, things that will hurt them, not only yung physically hurting them. And even the "stand in the corner" strategy pala is also a kind of corporal punishment. Some of us thought that this will make them realize their mistake, but little did we know they are thinking of revenge and resentment.

So what our children feels and think whenever we do corporal punishment?

And more likely,

And learn,

Isn't its scary?

Paano ba ang Positive Discipline. It is to provide calmness, structure and WARMTH.

In providing warmth, we are teaching our children long term values.

One of our activity was to list down what do we want to teach to our children . Their personalities, values and character when they grow up. Do we want them to be Confident? Respectful? Loving? Selfless? God fearing loving? This is a long term values. Start teaching them these values as early as infancy by providing warmth.

So how can we do that?

We were grouped into 3 and each group was given a case.

For our group:

"You have an appointment with the doctor, it's raining and you told your two year old child to wear his coat. He refuses to wear it. It's running late and you need to hurry."

So this is our group's answers.

Discaimer: This is just how far as I can remember.

• Problem: We'll be late to our doctor's appointment
• Why He/she behave this way:
• He doesn't like the coat
• He was interrupted with what he is doing
• He is still not feeling well
• Long term goals:
• Be a confident person
• Eliminate the fear of seeing a doctor
• Obey
• How to provide warmth and structure.
• Ask him why? Ask him if he doesn't like the coat? He can chose the coat that he want.
• Tell him that we have to see the doctor so that he'll get better. And after that he can continue in what he is doing
• He can bring his toys/art materials if that what he is doing
• Show the clock and try to tell him "If this arrow is in number 6, we have to go" (This will also develop his sense of time.

As you can see, there are lots of possible problems and answer because at this age, he still can't express/say how he feels, so 2 years old mostly do is to throw tantrums. Because that's how they react in certain situations that they can't even explain. They can't say that I'm feeling sick, I'm lazy, I'm hungry. With infants, their way of communication is with their crying. Kaya don't get upset easily, try to figure out first bakit ganoon, because there is ALWAYS a reason.

And when you say "NO", don't tell your child "just because I said so". Explain to him why, the cause and effect.

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During our orientation, somebody asked pala, what if nasa adolescent stage na sila? Ms. Wilma said, just go back sa period of building Trust and Attachment.

We have this activity rin na we have to stand in the direction which feeling namin is ganon ang anak namin. And next, ganoon kami.

With distractibility, I stood in the middle. Kasi I can focus for a long time naman, depende. Like right now, I am sitting infront of my laptop for 6 hours now. Sometimes naman, madali ako ma-distract, minsan hindi ko natatapos yung ginagawa ko. Babalikan ko nalang ulit kapag sinipag na ulit ako or kailangan na.

I think with this, medyo same kami ni Kirsten, minsan din hindi mo yun magugulo. Minsan naman, ang daling umayaw sa ginagawa nya pag nakakita ng bago or iba.

With Persistence, it's quite connected sa Distractibility sakin, mas madalas akong magsawa sa ginagawa ko. Mahilig lang ata ako sa simula.. Hindi pa tapos, may bago nanaman.

Here, si Kirsten yung type na loses interest in activities quickly, siguro at her age, masyado pang mataas yung curiosity and ang pag explore ng things.

With intensity, hay naku! Dun ako sa shows intense sadness, anger and happiness. Sabi nila, aquarius daw ako kaya moody and may topak. Haha! Pero, nag-iiba naman talaga ang mood nung tao minsan diba? or feelings. Siguro lang ako yung type na walang kyeme. Pag masaya, masaya, pag sad, sad. Kitang kita talaga. Extreme emotions nga ata ako. Pag super happy ako, hyper na hyper, kita na ang utak kakatawa. Pag irritated, hay naku konting bagay lang naiinis ako kagad and my husband napapansin na yung eyes ko daw umiirap.

Same kami ni kirsten, kanina we're on our way to St. Lukes with my MIL, mula sa bahay hanggang makabalik kami ng house, nakabusangot muka, and when we asked her if she wants to eat at Jollibee, she said "NO!" which normally kapag jollibee and pinag uusapan at nakita nya, she screams na and naalala nya yung birthday nya na we celebrated sa Jollibee. When she's happy, super hyper.

These traits/character daw ay namamana. So reflect if kanino namana ng bata yon. :-)

Practicing Positive Discipline is not easy lalo na kung inis na inis kana and gusto mo ng tirisin. Sugat na ata lips ko everytime I bite my lips whenever nangigigil ako sa kulit ng anak ko. Kirsten is nuknukan ng kulit. Mahirap pagsabihan, one time her yaya told me "Ate bakit ganon si kirsten, kapag hindi nakukuha yung gusto nananakit.." Natakot ako, I don't want kirsten to grow up a brat and hurting people. So I opened this and asked Ms. Wilma. Repetition lang daw. Repetition is the key. Everytime she hits her yaya or me, or kung sino, tell her not to do that because that is not right. One of the attendees suggests na when she's about to hit one of us, himasin daw hands /arms nya and tell her "gentle baby.. gentle"..

Our session started with an activity to which we where asked,

What it feels like to be a parent?

Happy, Exhausting, Tiring, Blessed, Wonderful, Amazing, LOVE, Depressing, Scary, Frightening..........etc.

Ms. Wilma said, whenever we feel so upset or exhausted, or any not so good feeling of being a parent, always remember the good ones. The LOVE, the joyful feeling, the happiness, and we are blessed that we became a parent of this wonderful child.

How about you? What it feels like to be a parent?

They have a book for Positive Discipline for everyday parenting and Positive Discipline for Teachers/Educators. But from Canada pa yon and pricey ata. They have free e-book naman. Let me know if you wanted a copy of this book. You may leave your e-mail address below and I'll send it to you. :-)

Let's practice POSITIVE DISCIPLINE!!